So you think something is wrong with you this summer… have you considered Crossroadsitus? Are you suffering from any of the following symptoms?
- You walk at a Crossroads pace in a random place.
- You find yourself critiquing bottled water.
- A car wash seems like an appropriate dishwashing station.
- A gas station bathroom is a great place to wash your arms and legs.
- The phrases “my cows,” “I drown your cows,” “copy,” and “paste” are perfectly normal parts of everyday conversation.
- You find yourself trying to not say stupid things so you aren’t copied and pasted.
- When you’re in Wal-Mart you ask, “Do we have enough toilet paper for the van?”
- When meeting someone, you introduce yourself and automatically assume the person wants to know where you’re from.
- When the phrase “that’s a nice shoulder” doesn’t refer to a body part.
- You come across a port-a-potty and get very excited.
- You see a safety pin and all you think of is blisters.
- You discover you are a connoisseur of fine carpets.
- When Wal-Mart signifies you’re in civilization.
- When you say something like “I only walked 8 miles today; I need to exercise,” people understand.
- You walk through a parking lot and find yourself waving or flashing a peace sign at cars passing by.
- When the brand Great Value tastes good.
- You find a patch of trees and think “Hooray! Bathrooms!”
- There’s no such thing as too much information.
- What is personal space again?
- You keep a mental list of fun town names you pass through (shout out to Sleepy Eye, Lame Deer, and Holabird!)
- When someone points at you and screams “FAT,” you aren’t offended.
- Rivers are an appropriate place to clean yourself.
- Rain feels like a shower.
- Semis are a welcome sight because they bring a cool breeze.
- When the most common phrases while walking are “Is that the van?” or “I think I see the van!”
- When someone says “look in the office” or “look in the church,” everyone understands which RV drawer is being referred to.
If you find yourself suffering from these symptoms, you may have a chronic case of Crossroadsitus. For treatment, say a rosary and a Divine Mercy Chaplet daily and pray that God helps you regain your sanity.
Laura Wire and Sarah Oltjenbruns, Northern Walk ‘13